You know from previous posts here that you are not alone if you worry about the entitlement attitudes of your kids. The problem is that some of us laugh about it a little too much and don’t try hard enough to find solutions for it.
So in this post, let us try to shake all of us up a little by asking some serious questions that maybe should scare us even a little more (in order to motivate us to DO more about it). So here goes….
Are you letting your kids fall into a trap that can make their lives (and yours) miserable?
Instead of giving our kids a sense of responsibility, are you giving them the exact opposite—a sense of entitlement?
Are you setting your kids up for disaster by not teaching them how to handle money?
Is your home a little microcosm of a bad economy and a sick society….built on wants rather than needs, and on bail outs, debt, and instant gratification?
Are yesterday’s parenting methods completely unsuited for today’s world?
And are some of the “old reliables” like allowances and withholding of privileges just not helpful anymore and perhaps even becoming counterproductive in raising responsible kids?
Is the technology that surrounds and suffocates our kids causing them to think that everything is “instant”…. sapping our children of real world experience and taking away their chances to earn and to wait and to make good choices and become responsible?
What if many of our basic notions of parenting, lots of the ways our parents raised us, and much of what we read from “experts” in parenting books is now working against us in our efforts to raise kids who are prepared for the world they will inherit?
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Why We Call it The Entitlement Trap
Someone who had heard about our new book, set for release this September, and asked us why we called it a TRAP.
The answer we gave her was something like this: Our kids are getting snared by a dangerous trap. Their sense of entitlement, fed by today’s debt-ridden society and instant gratification mentality (and exacerbated by our own indulgent parenting methods) clamps them into frightening patterns of laziness and irresponsibility.
Un-rescued, they will never know the freedom of true independence or develop the initiative to find real fulfillment and happiness in their lives.
The rescue can happen at home, while our children are young. It involves a system that teaches them to earn, to save, to budget, to think ahead, to decide, and to accept ownership and responsibility for everything from their toys to their goals.
The book (and this web page) are all about how to stop indulging our children and start training them to have the economic savvy and the independent choice-making ability to escape the entitlement trap.
The answer we gave her was something like this: Our kids are getting snared by a dangerous trap. Their sense of entitlement, fed by today’s debt-ridden society and instant gratification mentality (and exacerbated by our own indulgent parenting methods) clamps them into frightening patterns of laziness and irresponsibility.
Un-rescued, they will never know the freedom of true independence or develop the initiative to find real fulfillment and happiness in their lives.
The rescue can happen at home, while our children are young. It involves a system that teaches them to earn, to save, to budget, to think ahead, to decide, and to accept ownership and responsibility for everything from their toys to their goals.
The book (and this web page) are all about how to stop indulging our children and start training them to have the economic savvy and the independent choice-making ability to escape the entitlement trap.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Parents Say “Entitlement” is biggest problem of this Generation of Kids
The other night, speaking to a large group of parents, we started off by saying “Nominations are now in order for the toughest parenting problem you face.”
We got a list of 7 Nominations, and then, giving each parent in the audience one vote, we had an election.
The results were quite remarkable! Of the nearly 800 parents who participated on the poll,
a large plurality were most worried about the sense of Entitlement that kids seem to have today. Take a look at the results:
Poll:
What is the biggest problem facing kids (and their parents) today?
Peer pressure
11.2%
Excessive technology and gadgets
27.3%
Bullying
2.5%
A sense of entitlement
41.3%
Drugs and substance abuse
3.3%
Sexual experimentation
13.3%
Sibling rivalry
1.1%
“Entitlement” wins by a wide margin as the biggest problem, with over 41%. But what is REALLY interesting is that the second place finisher (with more than 27%), is “Excessive technology and gadgets” which, when you think about it is really just another way of saying entitlement—kids who think they are entitled to all things electronic.
Combine those top two answers and we have more than two thirds of parents saying that an attitude of Entitlement is the biggest challenge they face with their kids.
We get almost exactly the same results when we ask live audiences of parents the same question. We have been intrigued and surprised by the size of the majority, and we have also been pleased, since the title of our new book, being released by Penguin this Fall is The Entitlement Trap.
Think about it: Two thirds of parents, with no explanation or discussion, voted for Entitlement as the biggest problem of this generation of kids and the biggest worry for this generation of parents.
We ask our audiences why? Their answers are fascinating:
“Entitlement leads to low motivation.”
“Kids they deserve everything and don’t have to earn anything.”
“It makes them disrespectful.”
“They don’t know how to work.”
“They think they have to have everything their friends have.”
“It’s the reason for all the other problems on the list, they think they can do whatever they want.”
This Blog is going to be devoted, week in and week out, to an exploration of this new and HUGE attitude problem of Entitlement. We invite you not only to read it, but to participate in it!
If you have stories or illustrations of an entitlement attitude among kids, send it to us at the “contact us” click on valuesparenting.com.
And if you are one of those parents who votes for Entitlement as a personal parenting challenge and as a trap that your kids are falling into, take comfort, HELP IS ON THE WAY!
We got a list of 7 Nominations, and then, giving each parent in the audience one vote, we had an election.
The results were quite remarkable! Of the nearly 800 parents who participated on the poll,
a large plurality were most worried about the sense of Entitlement that kids seem to have today. Take a look at the results:
Poll:
What is the biggest problem facing kids (and their parents) today?
Peer pressure
11.2%
Excessive technology and gadgets
27.3%
Bullying
2.5%
A sense of entitlement
41.3%
Drugs and substance abuse
3.3%
Sexual experimentation
13.3%
Sibling rivalry
1.1%
“Entitlement” wins by a wide margin as the biggest problem, with over 41%. But what is REALLY interesting is that the second place finisher (with more than 27%), is “Excessive technology and gadgets” which, when you think about it is really just another way of saying entitlement—kids who think they are entitled to all things electronic.
Combine those top two answers and we have more than two thirds of parents saying that an attitude of Entitlement is the biggest challenge they face with their kids.
We get almost exactly the same results when we ask live audiences of parents the same question. We have been intrigued and surprised by the size of the majority, and we have also been pleased, since the title of our new book, being released by Penguin this Fall is The Entitlement Trap.
Think about it: Two thirds of parents, with no explanation or discussion, voted for Entitlement as the biggest problem of this generation of kids and the biggest worry for this generation of parents.
We ask our audiences why? Their answers are fascinating:
“Entitlement leads to low motivation.”
“Kids they deserve everything and don’t have to earn anything.”
“It makes them disrespectful.”
“They don’t know how to work.”
“They think they have to have everything their friends have.”
“It’s the reason for all the other problems on the list, they think they can do whatever they want.”
This Blog is going to be devoted, week in and week out, to an exploration of this new and HUGE attitude problem of Entitlement. We invite you not only to read it, but to participate in it!
If you have stories or illustrations of an entitlement attitude among kids, send it to us at the “contact us” click on valuesparenting.com.
And if you are one of those parents who votes for Entitlement as a personal parenting challenge and as a trap that your kids are falling into, take comfort, HELP IS ON THE WAY!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Webinar Questions about Entitlement
Hello to all of you who are on the journey to combat Entitlement with our kids!
We had so much fun on the webinar last night! There were, of course more questions than we could answer in an hour but we thought we'd just take two or three that were asked more than once and address them on this blog, as promised.
First, several parents asked what to do when children bombard their parents with this age-old complaint: "But Mom, everyone else has an iPod, Wii, cell phone (and on and on) so why can't we?"
It used to be that it only seemed like that to kids but in today's world...it's true! Most kids do have access to all that stuff. A good answer we think is the use of these three words....."in our family". You can kindly explain to your kids that their friends may have all the stuff that your kids want, but "in our family" this is the way we do it. Point out that your family may have other "perks" that those families don't have like family outings, travel and educational opportunities. You can always add, as my mother did when I had to practice the piano and violin many hours a day longer than any of my friends, "Some day you'll thank me for this!" And I do...every day!
Having said that, we are not down on cell phones for kids. Our oldest daughter Saren has a "family phone" that is like their home phone (since they no longer have a home phone) that the younger kids can rotate when the parents need to know where they are and when they are finished at scouts, church activities and at friends' houses. It's a great way to have young kids have access to a phone without feeling that it is theirs! The important thing on this to to decide as a family what the appropriate parameters are for family electonics so that the kids really understand the whats and whys of what happens "in our family".
"What about kids who won't go to the Repenting Bench,"
We addressed this question just a little and agreed that it was best to start when the kids were little when there was no question about whether or not they would go. In our family, the process had been practiced in a family meeting and everyone knew exactly what to expect. It was just part of the "legal system". BUT when you are starting this process with an eight and a thirteen year old that becomes much more complicated. Though we have never done that we suggest that you try to meet with the kids individually (or maybe in the pairs who have the most disagreements) and reason with them with something like this: "We have noticed that there is lots of contention in our house lately and we think that nobody including you is feeling really good about that. We have an idea that you may like or you may want to add to or change that will bring more peace to our home." Present your ideas and truly ask for their input. If they have better ideas, use them. Plan together about a way to resolve disagreements and then maybe even have them sign the agreement or better yet, have them write the agreement themselves. This gives them ownership of the plan so that when push comes to shove (excuse the pun) you can say, "This was your idea and we all agreed so let's do it!" Good luck!
The other oft-asked question: "Can kids earn extra money for things they really want?"
We talked about this when we addressed summer deals, but of course there are many things that kids can earn money for if they are desperate for something their hearts are bursting for! We can't give you specifics but the important thing is they are asking what they can do to earn something rather than asking you to give them something. That's a whole different world! Every family has to figure this out in their own way but that ownership word is the key to success!
We had so much fun on the webinar last night! There were, of course more questions than we could answer in an hour but we thought we'd just take two or three that were asked more than once and address them on this blog, as promised.
First, several parents asked what to do when children bombard their parents with this age-old complaint: "But Mom, everyone else has an iPod, Wii, cell phone (and on and on) so why can't we?"
It used to be that it only seemed like that to kids but in today's world...it's true! Most kids do have access to all that stuff. A good answer we think is the use of these three words....."in our family". You can kindly explain to your kids that their friends may have all the stuff that your kids want, but "in our family" this is the way we do it. Point out that your family may have other "perks" that those families don't have like family outings, travel and educational opportunities. You can always add, as my mother did when I had to practice the piano and violin many hours a day longer than any of my friends, "Some day you'll thank me for this!" And I do...every day!
Having said that, we are not down on cell phones for kids. Our oldest daughter Saren has a "family phone" that is like their home phone (since they no longer have a home phone) that the younger kids can rotate when the parents need to know where they are and when they are finished at scouts, church activities and at friends' houses. It's a great way to have young kids have access to a phone without feeling that it is theirs! The important thing on this to to decide as a family what the appropriate parameters are for family electonics so that the kids really understand the whats and whys of what happens "in our family".
"What about kids who won't go to the Repenting Bench,"
We addressed this question just a little and agreed that it was best to start when the kids were little when there was no question about whether or not they would go. In our family, the process had been practiced in a family meeting and everyone knew exactly what to expect. It was just part of the "legal system". BUT when you are starting this process with an eight and a thirteen year old that becomes much more complicated. Though we have never done that we suggest that you try to meet with the kids individually (or maybe in the pairs who have the most disagreements) and reason with them with something like this: "We have noticed that there is lots of contention in our house lately and we think that nobody including you is feeling really good about that. We have an idea that you may like or you may want to add to or change that will bring more peace to our home." Present your ideas and truly ask for their input. If they have better ideas, use them. Plan together about a way to resolve disagreements and then maybe even have them sign the agreement or better yet, have them write the agreement themselves. This gives them ownership of the plan so that when push comes to shove (excuse the pun) you can say, "This was your idea and we all agreed so let's do it!" Good luck!
The other oft-asked question: "Can kids earn extra money for things they really want?"
We talked about this when we addressed summer deals, but of course there are many things that kids can earn money for if they are desperate for something their hearts are bursting for! We can't give you specifics but the important thing is they are asking what they can do to earn something rather than asking you to give them something. That's a whole different world! Every family has to figure this out in their own way but that ownership word is the key to success!
Monday, June 20, 2011
The world we live in is changing fast
The world we live in is changing fast, and the world our children will inherit will be almost unrecognizably different and more difficult. Are we preparing them for it? Will they have the personal and financial skills to succeed? Will they have the incentive and the self-motivation to find their best selves?
Just as the Eyres’ brilliant #1 bestseller Teaching Your Children Values provided a roadmap for a whole generation of parents in the 90s, their new work The Entitlement Trap gives today’s parents a warning about the trap of indulgence and instant gratification they may be creating for their children. Then it shines breakthrough clarity on what kids will need to cope with our new and unpredictable economic realities, and outlines a remarkable “family economy” that teaches kids to work.”
This book presents a whole new approach for a whole new generation of parents. I predict that it will become the standard for families throughout the world who want to give their kids the training and the tools to succeed financially, emotionally and spiritually in the economic hurricane of the 21st century.”
In the first half of the book, you will learn how to make your kids economically savvy and financially independent….
In the second half, you will learn that the family economic model is just the framework and the metaphor for lessons even more important.
Richard & Linda Eyre
Just as the Eyres’ brilliant #1 bestseller Teaching Your Children Values provided a roadmap for a whole generation of parents in the 90s, their new work The Entitlement Trap gives today’s parents a warning about the trap of indulgence and instant gratification they may be creating for their children. Then it shines breakthrough clarity on what kids will need to cope with our new and unpredictable economic realities, and outlines a remarkable “family economy” that teaches kids to work.”
This book presents a whole new approach for a whole new generation of parents. I predict that it will become the standard for families throughout the world who want to give their kids the training and the tools to succeed financially, emotionally and spiritually in the economic hurricane of the 21st century.”
In the first half of the book, you will learn how to make your kids economically savvy and financially independent….
In the second half, you will learn that the family economic model is just the framework and the metaphor for lessons even more important.
Richard & Linda Eyre
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Entitlement
It seems that the biggest parenting problem of this generation of kids can be stated in one word: “Entitlement!”
As we speak to parenting groups around the world, we often ask them to vote on their greatest worry as parents, and Entitlement always wins! Kids who think they have to have everything they want—and everything their friends have—and have it right now with no waiting and with no working.
Often well over 50% of our audiences say this is the biggest problem, even when their other choices are things like substance abuse, peer pressure, and sexual experimentation.
It just seems that the attitude of entitlement is an epidemic among today’s kids!
And the problem is, to be blunt, parents are not doing anything to solve it. In fact, in most cases they are causing it! (or at least contributing to it.
This web page is devoted to finding answers—answers on how parents can “unspoil” their kids—on how homes and families and parents can become part of the solution rather than part of the problem.
We hope you will visit this page often, that you will find useful, usable ideas, and that you will dialogue with us as we seek to solve the Entitlement Trap, and to save America economically and motivationally—one kid at a time, and one family at a time.
Best, Richard and Linda Eyre
As we speak to parenting groups around the world, we often ask them to vote on their greatest worry as parents, and Entitlement always wins! Kids who think they have to have everything they want—and everything their friends have—and have it right now with no waiting and with no working.
Often well over 50% of our audiences say this is the biggest problem, even when their other choices are things like substance abuse, peer pressure, and sexual experimentation.
It just seems that the attitude of entitlement is an epidemic among today’s kids!
And the problem is, to be blunt, parents are not doing anything to solve it. In fact, in most cases they are causing it! (or at least contributing to it.
This web page is devoted to finding answers—answers on how parents can “unspoil” their kids—on how homes and families and parents can become part of the solution rather than part of the problem.
We hope you will visit this page often, that you will find useful, usable ideas, and that you will dialogue with us as we seek to solve the Entitlement Trap, and to save America economically and motivationally—one kid at a time, and one family at a time.
Best, Richard and Linda Eyre
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)